Odd one out...

New beginnings...

Still feeling incredibly rough, but.... took a step in the right direction and began building my new website.. My-captured Images.... I am quietly excited about it.. just hope no one rings me and asks me to do something.. confidence still rock bottom.. but i'm working on it... Jian Wei so supportive - as hadnt really got a clue.. thanks also to Photography by Maxine from slough... she nudged me in the right direction..

Days..

What are days for?
Days are where we live..
They come, they wake us
Time and time over..
They are to be happy in:
Where can we live but days?

Time...

today is mei sim's 15th birthday... the presents are wrapped (late again .. I know.. I keep promising myself that i will be more organised and i will be.. this year is about new beginnings and changing the things i am not happy about and becoming the person i want to be)..
I am spending time doing nothing..... looking out of my window on life....

I am...

I am: yet what i am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
like shades in love and deaths oblivion lost;
And yet i am, and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neithersense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And een the dearest - that i love best -
Are strange - nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where women never smiled or wept;
There to abide with my Creator, GOD,
And sleep as i in childhood, sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where i lie;
The grass below, above the vaulted sky.

When I loved myself enough..

I began leaving whatever wasnt healthy.. This meant people
jobs, my own beliefs and habits -
anything that kept me small. My
judgement called it
disloyal. Now I
see it as
self loving.

People..

Its been a funny few days... the children were fantastic.. presents, company and food.. they provided all in abundance... i am so lucky to have 3 such wonderful people to love and be loved..

I also have a few really good true friends ... the kind that never let you down and support you always..... I really appreciate them..

Some people remain true friends no matter the divide in distance, or time...

then there are the people that you know kind of.. from the places you go.. work colleagues, people who you socialize with..... these are the kind that can be friendly or not without warning and for no apparent reason....
I have trouble with this ...... i am never really sure why they behave in such a way... and it is not the done thing to actually ask... I know this because i have tried it.. you never really get to the bottom of it and it causes more trauma..

People... I will never truly understand them or be able to play their games.....