spend sunday in the freezing cold sunshine taking pictures of horses....now my face is sun/wind burnt......

I want to escape..

I want to scream..... run ... stamp my feet..... had the day from hell with a small monority of students who make life a misery just for the sheer hell of it. They are rude, untruthful, arrogant nasty horrible girls...

Feel slightly better for actually verbalising that but i still want to leave and never go back.... it is torture everyday and i am definitely too old to put up with such behaviour.. Never did from my children and I love them so maybe would forgive them.

Teenage girls who are rude and nasty ... i dont think i can......

Trees and Dreams......

Outside.....

I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
with my eyes wide open
I've seen worlds that dont belong
My mouth is dry with words i cannot verbalise
Tell me why we live like this...........

I shall never be different....

Today I have worked and then spent time walking and thinking..... I guess this coming year may herald some changes in my life ... it already has and i think that this will be good..
for today tho..
it is enough to think......

These words somehow haunt me ... i keep coming back to them...

I cannot grow
I have no shadow
To run away from
I only play..

I cannot err
There is no creature
whom i belong to
Whom i could wrong

I am defeat
When it knows it
Can now do nothing
By suffering

All you lived through
Dancing because of you
No longer need it
For any deed

I shall never be
Different. Love me.
(Auden)

On Reflection.....

Life is full of Reflection ....... I want to take the time to reflect on my life and goals and ambitions...
Sometimes i think there is no time or space or quiet just to think for your thoughts and feelings to be heard..
Now is the time for me to listen, take heed and act......

Lazy days..

For me this has been a lazy day... children off to school and had the whole day to my self...
walked milly, cleaned and ironed.
Now I am tired of body but not of mind... the last week I have been exhausted both mentally and physically...Grey.. like the weather.. but today the sun shone and I feel ok.
J left to go back to london and we walked across the park together and talked... I miss him the most when he walks away..
The Park is flooded and it is both beautiful and sad...